Hi. I feel so awful, but I can’t ask anyone in my life for perspective. For context, I (21) have a pee fetish, mainly watching people. When I was 12 and my little brother was 6, I often went out of my way to help him use the bathroom. I never touched him sexually and he never touched me. But sometimes he would be in the stall with me if we went to a public restroom or I would help him aim in the night if he had to use the bathroom. I realize it was wrong of me and often worry if he remembers it. I was young at the time, but not too young to not understand boundaries and right from wrong. I’m worried that I molested my younger brother by holding him while knowing I felt this way. My parents knew I helped him to the bathroom since he was young and had a problem with bed wetting, but I doubt they knew that I held it for him and I know they would think it’s wrong. I feel so guilty.
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Hey there,
Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. First off, there is nothing weird or wrong with a majority of fetishes, including a peeing fetish. A fetish is only problematic if you do it without someone’s consent or if you feel upset when aroused by it. I understand that your situation can be very uncomfortable and problematic if you confront your parents. However, the fact that you are have admitted what you may or may not have done to your brother shows that you are not a bad person and that you deeply care about your brother’s well being.
I can’t tell you if you’ve molested your brother, but the first step you can take is to try speaking with a therapist or counselor. Speaking to someone may seem strange or uncomfortable, but being able to confront your problems with someone not particularly close to you can be very helpful. If talking to someone one-on-one feels too difficult, try exploring local support groups that focus on your similar situation. Knowing that there are others like yourself that have fetishes of some sort will make you feel more comfortable admitting what you’ve done and how you’ve felt about it in the past.
Some drastic ways people treat their fetishes is to undergo aversion therapy or take antidepressant drugs. Aversion therapy is traditionally used for treating people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. This therapy can help a person give up an addictive behavior/habit by associating that habit with something unpleasant. In addition, certain antidepressant drugs can lower your potential for sexual arousal around peeing.
I can tell that you are a good person and that you want to make things right. I hope you find the help you need and continue being open about your problems and concerns. Here are some articles that you can read:
https://www.doctorxdentist.com/questions/manage-fetish-seek-help
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sexual-fetish
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/fetishistic-disorder%3famp
Best,
Jennie