While I was coursing my junior and sophomore year of high school, my mental health got really bad (depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicide attempts, the lot) this caused my grades to be severely impacted and affected my overall gpa. My senior year I was doing a lot better and managed to improve my academic performance, but the damage was already done, and by the time I graduated hs I had a significantly low gpa. It’s now been two and a half years since my graduation and due to economic circumstances, family issues, and recurrent metal health struggles I haven’t been able to apply to college. It wasn’t until recently that I finally was able to get financial support to pay for my education and got in touch with an advisor (bc I really want to study abroad), the only problem is that the requirements for the gpa are too high compared to what I have, and apparently the embassy interview for my student visa will ask me why I havent been studying these past two years (And that might influence wether or not Im given the visa all).
I’m worried that my history of mental illness might affect my chances of achieving my goal. I’m frustrated because even though I’ve been in treatment for so many years now I still find myself falling back down and unable to recover fully, and I keep falling into old patterns and behaviors. I don’t know if I should talk about it in my college application or to the visa agent or even to my advisor, in hope that they might give me a chance to prove myself beyong the illness . I‘m just so close to giving up on my dream and just going to a local school. I wish I could start over and just not get sick. How do I overcome this overwhelming feeling of guilt and anger and frustration? How do I come to terms with what my mental illness has taken from me and what it might take still?