Dear Jude, I am a very independent person in general. However Ive been noticing that I might be too much emotionally attached to my mom. She has always been an imposing person and bc of the social problems Ive had through my life she maybe grew more important than she should be? Now I have become psicologically more stable and dont have that need anymore. However, I still notice how much her opinion matters to me and how it impacts my daily life. I really want to change that.
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Hi there,
I want you to know that you are so strong. I personally know how difficult and draining it can be to have a parent’s opinion matter strongly to you. It’s tough to go about your schoolwork, your job, your internship, and other daily activities without seeking that parent’s approval or recognition in some shape or form, and I know how awful the feeling is, especially after having a childhood where your mom was very imposing. I want you to know that you are not alone and that a lot of other people struggle with this.
With that being said, here is some advice. First of all, I want you to remember that you are your own person . As you said, you have become very independent. Whenever you do a task or work, I want you to do it for yourself, not for your mom. If you find yourself stressing about what your mom is going to think about what you’re doing, I challenge you to shift that thought and ask yourself what you are going to think of it. Will you be proud? Will you be upset?
At the end of the day, you are growing into that amazing person more and more each and every day. In the long run, the only opinion that truly matters to you is your own because you are the one who knows yourself the best. Make yourself proud, even if it doesn’t necessarily make your mom proud. Here is an article that discusses cultivating your own interests as a piece of advice: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/survival-guide-for-dealing-with-an-overbearing-mother/. Cultivating your own hobbies and interests is so important in becoming your own person and is helpful in stepping away from your mom’s opinions.
It is also important to set boundaries with your mom. Setting these boundaries will help the relationship become healthier and more beneficial for the two of you. Setting healthy boundaries with your mother will help you to address your own, independent needs to her and will also help her to acknowledge that you have your own identity. Here is an article with steps that can help you to set healthy boundaries with your mother: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/setting-healthy-boundaries-with-parents
Best of luck, and I hope this all helps!
Rebecca