Hi Jude, I have a question for therapy. I’m 18 -19 soon- and still live with my mom. I’ve been dealing with stuff internally for a while now but kinda want to see a therapist to try and talk things out, get information from a professional point of view. I told my mom all this and she dismissed it, telling me I don’t need one as it would ‘mess me up’ if I went to see one. I just to get a few things off my chest that I can’t tell her. But I’m still relying on her financially, I do have my own money but she knows what I do with my money. I know that might sound weird or even toxic but I love my mom so much, I just don’t want her to know what I go through to mentally if that at all makes sense. What would the best way for me to overcome this? She can’t know if I ever go to a therapist, she’d freak. Sorry for the long ask, thank you and everyone else who runs both this blog and the website xx
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If you would like an alternative to therapy, I recommend donating to our organization. By doing so, you will receive free face-to-face peer counselling. This way, you will not put a strain on your mother or yourself.
Jude
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Hi there,
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. A lot of people have dealt with/are dealing with similar situations to this, so I am so glad you came to us for help!
Parents, although they want the best for us, can sometimes be very closed minded and stubborn in their opinions. Thinking about how mental health issues were in perceived in the past, it makes sense why some parents are less understanding of the extent of how much mental health issues can affect someone and how much therapy can help. Parents often have the mentality that you need to just “power through” and that if there is not a reason to be upset, then you shouldn’t feel upset. This is, of course, not true. However, it’s a hard mentality to unlearn, especially if they haven’t faced mental health issues themselves.
Your mom’s lack of understanding doesn’t mean you shouldn’t receive the help you deserve, though. Therapy can be useful to everyone, even when your symptoms don’t seem “bad enough.” I would try to have a serious conversation about this to your mom once more (maybe even showing her this response might help convince her!), and if she is still against it, turn elsewhere for support. Is there another family member you can talk to about starting therapy? Perhaps they can help keep it a secret, or help convince your mom. You can even reach out to a school counselor or teacher and have them write to your mom recommending that you receive help through therapy. Having more people on your side always helps.
If this doesn’t work, or if you want to save money or have a more accessible option during the pandemic, here are some resources that may be helpful to you:
BetterHelp Online Therapy: https://www.betterhelp.com/online-counseling/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=_b&utm_content=72578453010&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=b&utm_campaign=6459244691&ad_type=text&adposition=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkIScgN2-6wIVFIzICh2LPg4PEAAYAyAAEgITo_D_BwE
eTherapy Online Counseling: https://etherapypro.com/
CIMHS Online Therapy: https://cimhs.com/
List of Mental Health Support Groups: https://www.mhanational.org/find-support-groups
Take care,
Jordan