I am super worried about my mom. I have a teenage brother that has autism and in spite of all psycologists, neuropsichiatritians and psichiatrists we went to, he's very mentally desorganized. The main problem is how resistant he is into changing his habits and how his lack of success make his depression even worse. My mom as a health worker says wish she could kill herself just so he would be a normal kid, because she can help everyone but her own child.
My brother is a very dependent person, he doesnt wake up alone, he doesnt get dressed alone cause he says he wont get out of the house, he keeps himself locked in his room all day playing games on the computer, only gets out to go to the bathroom or getting food. Also, he doesnt want to make friends cause he thinks it is stupid and that no one deserves someone like him. He lacks self caring and self esteem. I dont know what else to do.
Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I'm extremely sorry to hear that your brother’s condition has been causing you and your family stress. It must be difficult for you to witness how hard this is on your mother.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your mom’s recent comments, this prevention website provides articles and hotlines. Even if you simply need someone with whom you can talk or vent, licensed counselors are available whenever you need them: https://afsp.org.
Hearing your mother express these thoughts must be incredibly disheartening and terrifying. It seems that she is experiencing intense helplessness and burnout. It's important to remember that your brother's autism is not his fault, nor is it anyone else’s. Being a mother and working in healthcare is challenging for anyone, and caring for a child with autism likely exacerbates this challenge. Signs and symptoms of depression, burnout, and other struggles are practically inevitable for any parent of a child with special needs. Psychologists have found that around half of mothers with autistic children experience high depression and anxiety symptoms. If you’d like, you can read more about these statistics here: https://tinyurl.com/2p82yscc.
This article also breaks down the research and even offers a few coping strategies: https://tinyurl.com/3ee6c5nt.
You and your mother might find these videos helpful when trying to find ways to cope with this stress: https://youtu.be/ZYxskCzuf94; https://youtu.be/kqKV1n5I4F0.
In addition, these websites discuss how autism affects siblings and families: https://www.sibs.org.uk; https://tinyurl.com/47k52x8u.
I wanted to share these articles to inform you that you are not alone in feeling this way, and there are many families who are enduring similar challenges. You mentioned bringing your brother to numerous different doctors and therapists, but have you or your mother ever received care of your own? I’d encourage you and your mother to seek support from mental health professionals or support groups for parents and siblings of children with special needs. When dealing with such a sensitive situation, trained professionals can provide your family with guidance and expertise that is specific to your situation.
If you need help finding support groups or counselors, these directories can help you find online or local resources: https://www.autismconnect.com/directory; https://www.aane.org/online-forums/.
Caregiving can be a 24/7 job, so I understand that it might be difficult for you and your mother to find the time to take care of yourselves. If you can, you and your mom could try to set aside a specific time each week to decompress. I understand that time can be limited and tough to manage. If you two are the main people responsible for supporting your brother, maybe you could alternate taking this time for self-care. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your brother.
If you’re looking for tips for self-care and managing stress while supporting a family member, you may find these articles helpful: https://tinyurl.com/yucfexew; https://tinyurl.com/2kndvc9j.
Autism is a complex condition that affects each person differently. It sounds like you and your family have been trying to get help for your brother. Remember that there is no quick solution to this issue, but there are ways to manage the situation and support your brother in small steps. Encouraging your brother to engage in activities he enjoys, even if they are alone, can also help him feel fulfilled. You might also find it helpful to discuss alternative therapy options with your brother's healthcare providers to see if they may be a good fit for him.
This article discusses a few therapy options and their risk factors: https://tinyurl.com/489mfwwx.
Ultimately, it's important to approach this situation with patience. Remember to take care of yourself and seek out support for yourself and your family, and please reach out again to Asking Jude if you require further support.
Best of luck!
Mikayla