Hey! I have 3 friends with eating disorders so I decided to do some research into eds to understand how they work and how I can be supportive to my friends. But since I've been listening to people on youtube talk about their eds, I've realised I've started subconsciously copying ed-like behaviour? I started counting calories and restricting and feeling guilty if I eat the recommended amount of calories for my age group. I don't really want to give numbers in case that's triggering to other people, but I heard the lowest amount of calories you can eat daily before it becomes extremely unhealthy for my age group is 1300 (I'm a 15 yr old girl), so I've been trying my best not to go below that. But I keep being tempted to. I've also been tempted a couple times to purge after eating a big meal, but the only thing that stopped me was that I don't really know how to make myself throw up, and also I've heard it ruins your stomach and teeth if you do it consistently.
This has been going on for maybe a couple of weeks now. I'm not even sure I hate my body that much (although I wouldn't mind being a bit thinner) but it feels super bad when I go above around 1700 cals.
I've stopped watching ed videos but I'm really scared of developing an ed, because it messes up your health for like the rest of your life, but I don't know how to pull myself out of this, or if it's just a phase. Do you think I could keep doing this without it developing into an ed? How can I tell the difference between healthy dieting and having an eating disorder?