So my story is that I broke up with my ex in November last year after 3 years of being together. I didn't feel comfortable in this relationship anymore and wanted a way out of it. There were many thing wrong in our relationship but i ignored them for almost 3 years. Now i really regret being with him for so long because i made so many mistakes that are hard to fix now. When we saw eachother last time we both said that even though we broke up we still can and kinda want to be friends but we need some time first. Then in December he sent me christmas wishes, I send them back and we talked for a little while. We both agreed that it's still to early to become friends again and i said that it would be better if he reached out to me first when he feels ready, because in my mind he was hurt more by our break up. He agreed. And after that short talk i had a mental breakdown. Talking to him just reminded me of those regrets and mistakes i made and how i feel about them. We haven't speak since then. I haven't worked it out yet. I still feel bad about all of it and i think i have a long way ahead of me. My ex has birthday next week and i think i should send him wishes. But i don't feel ready to talk to him yet. I feel like i'm gonna have another breakdown if i text him and i have a hard time even without that. On the other hand i'm scared that if i don't do that he is going to send me some angry messeges and i would feel even worse.