Hello! I feel so weird because when I think about it I realize it is actually simple and kinda funny.
First, English is not my first language sorry for my mistakes.
My friends also say that I exaggerate and behave dramatically, I’m confused because I want to learn the truth. Is it something about my culture and are my thoughts really weird?
Me and my mom have very different hobbies, my mom never understand that I spend money on my hobbies, and she thinks this is wrong and to her I shouldn't do that.
I always feel it’s wrong, because she always says ‘’this is not neccessary, you can buy something nicer,’’ but I don’t want to ‘nicer things’ I want buy books & painting materials... I didn’t apply to the university department I wanted because my parents thought it was ridiculous. So I finished universty and I continued doing what I really wanted as a hobby.
My friends & my mom said ‘Oh there are too many boks on the internet, you act like an idiot. You can’t earn money your painting, nobody buys.'' I don't do it to make money anyway, I do because all this is my personality. Everybody said to me ‘the time I spent my hobbies is a waste.’
I have been unemployed for a long time, sometimes I work part time jobs. But it's impossible to get a job because of the coronavirus that's why. I can barely earn 100 dollar a month. Sometimes a little more…
She wants me to buy things that I will use when I get married. We call it dowry. I don’t want to buy my dowry at all. And I don't want to get married either. But my mom and my dad think it is time to marriage. I’m just 22! My boyfriend says ‘you must marry me because you are so unhappy your parents house and I will make you happier.’
I don’t want to my boyfriend makes me happy, I want to have my own happiness, not someone else. And than I want to share my happiness. Is that wrong? Do I think wrong?
And my mom & my friends, again, think ‘I’m ungreatful for my familiy.’ ‘I’m ungreatful for life.’
I don’t want to get marry my boyfriend, he proposed me but I couldn’t say ‘yes’ and he shook his head and asked me to think a little. I wanted to say no. I couldn’t. And now, everybody expects me to say yes. Because I’m unhappy my parents house and all my friends and family act like everything will be alright if I get married.
Yes I can't go on with my family anymore but does that mean I have to get married? I don't feel like I'm in love with my boyfriend. Does that make me a terrible person? If I say no, will I accept all the bad things that will happen to me? It seems impossible to fix me with my mom, but I don't want to lose her. I want my mother to love me like this, I don't want her to push me towards marriage.
I don't think my boyfriend loves me either. I think we just got used to each other and the right thing seems to be marriage. But it is not. My boyfriend says that I can have time and money for my hobbies without having to go to work. But I want to earn my own money and I want to spend time comfortably for my hobbies.
I don't know what to say to whom anymore. I don't know what can I do. My parents definitely don't want me to marry by force. Everything is my choice but is there anything right? I just want to be able to do what I want and be happy in my own life. Do I have to give up something? I never want to stop drawing and reading books, but should I do it if necessary?Can I find another solution? How can I explain myself to people?
What I said may be simple and funny, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I hope I could explain myself, my English isn't very good, I apologize if there's anything wrong.
Thank you so much.