Hi, I don’t know if there’s any advice you can give me but I found out a hard truth about my father a few weeks ago. He preyed on my sister and its why our parents got divorced. My dad has done really awful things but this took the cake. I just don’t know where to go from here, its my dad but we’ve always had a complicated relationship. And I find myself wondering if he’s ever done anything to me too. It’s all really confusing and I don’t know what’s real.
top of page
bottom of page
Hi there,
I’m sorry to hear that you had to have that experience. Finding out hurtful information about a family member, even if you are not close to them, is always difficult. Your situation is especially difficult because someone you care about deeply was hurt. First and foremost, I would recommend seeking professional help. A therapist can sit with you and talk through all of the complicated emotions that you are experiencing. They can help you process what happened and what is happening now as a result of the past. They will also be able to help you move forward. Some therapists specialize in domestic/sexual violence and abuse. A therapist with this specialty may be able to offer you the most help as they likely understand your situation well, however any therapist should be able to help you on your path to healing.
Here are some options that you can look into:
https://openpathcollective.org/- low cost therapy options
https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling
Another more immediate option is to contact a hotline that specializes in domestic/sexual abuse. The individuals that you will speak to on a hotline are trained to help people through situations such as yours. They will be able to understand you needs and may even be able to help connect you to local resources. Here are some hotlines for domestic/sexual violence:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
RAINN live chat: https://hotline.rainn.org/online?_ga=2.190246251.1588302979.1598832239-1383429656.1598832239
Here are some other resources that you might find helpful:
https://www.rainn.org/sites/default/files/Toolkit_0.pdf
https://www.rainn.org/articles/help-someone-you-care-about
https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-talking-survivors-sexual-assault
https://survivorsofabuserecovering.ca/resources/ffp-of-survivors
It may be difficult, but something that is incredibly important in this situation is self care. Self care will allow you to take space away from the unpleasant thoughts and focus on your individual needs. It will also help you to express complex emotions in a healthy way. Journaling could be a great option for this. It’s difficult to keep everything that you are feeling in your head. Journaling is a safe and healthy way to release some of that tension. Nobody ever has to read it, either- including you. You can dispose of the pages once you are done. Here are some ways that you can try self care in this time:
https://www.rainn.org/articles/self-care-friends-and-family
https://www.activeminds.org/about-mental-health/self-care/#:~:text=What%20is%20self%2Dcare%3F,fully%2C%20vibrantly%2C%20and%20effectively.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself
https://www.rainn.org/articles/self-care-after-trauma
I hope that you and your family are able to heal.
Best wishes,
Mikaela