Hi! Hope anyone who reads this is well and I massively appreciate any response.
I’ve been in a toxic relationship for the past three years. Currently I’m not sure if the relationship is still on. Communication is extremely difficult so I’m not really sure what the “status” is.
Basically, me and my girlfriend have lived together for the past three years and it’s been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions, both extreme good and
extreme bad with frequent fighting, making up, being affectionate and then fighting again.
I recently decided to move out for my own mental health, and two weeks ago I finally did — I’m now living elsewhere with a friend.
The big problem is this — I have constant anxiety and feelings of guilt because my girlfriend accused me of abandoning her. She has few friends, and very little family. She cares for her mother who is terminally ill and mentally unwell. I desperately want to help her and support her but the relationship was causing me to be unhappy and damaging my self-esteem. I‘ve tried to explain to her that I still love her and want to help support her even if I’m not living with her, but she views my moving out as a total betrayal and accused me of being a bad person.
After a bad fight that left me contemplating suicide, I went to a hospital and spoke with a wonderful counselor who listened to me and told me that I’m not responsible for my girlfriend‘s happiness, that I need to
do what’s best for me. But no matter how much I tell myself that, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve abandoned someone who needs my help. I just want her to be okay but I don’t want to get sucked back into our cycle of toxicity. It’s eating at my heart every minute and I’m terrified I’ve made a mistake.
Not sure what I’m hoping to hear, any insight or perspective appreciated! Thanks