Hi. I'm 16 and my boyfriend has been harrasing me in different ways this past year, emotionally, physically and even sexually. We didnt see eachother alot during the 2020 covid lockdown, and weve been drifting apart. Hes pissed off at me that i dont give him enough attention, i dont like him anymore because of what an ass hes become, but i sometimes wish he was what he used to be.
He keeps calling me and pushing me around, and i dont know how to please him. Hes never hit me, and he always mentions that as like proof that hes nice to me. But he keeps harrasing me and this recent school year he has been sexually harrasing me. I dont know what to do.
He sometimes does it angrily and sometimes treats me like im some girl hes just met. He touches me, makes rude comments and even kisses me without my permission. I just freeze up. The first time he did this he would come up to me in the hallways and grab my behind, flirt with me like he doesnt even know me, and sometimes kiss me. I'd just freeze up and i couldnt say anything. I couldn't even vocalize i wanted him to stop at first. But sometimes when he would do it id try to say "stop" but i couldnt, he would always do it anyways. I'm not very assertive and i have social anxiety. He knows this. He also knows i have body problems and will make fun of me for my body while also like complimenting me on it. It's like he fucking hates me but also wants to take advantage of me. I dont know wtf happened with him. I still love him but I dont want this anymore.
He always arrogantly says "you know you like it" but i dont. But hes sort of right... When he calls me names, touches me randomly, part of me does enjoy it... im so embarrased of saying that! But it pisses me off more, i dont want to be feeling this. I feel like hes violating me, i dont want to feel these things and i dont WANT him to be touching me without my permission but i just get so scared and freeze up. Im scared to tell anyone. And he tries to convince me that i like it, and it works... I dont know how to say it but hes right... i do like him treating me like that