CW sexual assault I was reading the wiki page for sexual assault and suddenly realised it might have happened years ago during my first kiss. I was in a club kissing a guy who then lifted my skirt and pushed his fingers into me. I never said no bc I was too drunk & inexperienced to react quickly and it bothered me for a few days but I always thought it was no big deal. Now I’m suddenly FREAKING OUT about it & I don’t get why?? I feel crazy bc it was so long ago, so brief & so relatively minor!
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Hello there,
Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. Sexual abuse sometimes occurs in secret, and some people feel too afraid and ashamed to talk about it. Usually, survivors of abuse don’t disclose the secret until years later, either when it starts causing them to have problems in life, or when they understand it better and find the courage to share.
One main thing to understand is that it was not your fault. Most abused children are confused about what happened to them. They intuitively know it was wrong, but they cannot understand how or why it happened. There is a strong tendency for children to blame themselves.
It can be very difficult to admit that you were sexually abused. You may feel embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid of how others will react. It can seem easier to deny or doubt yourself about what happened or keep it a secret. It might feel like if you don’t talk about your abuse, it didn’t happen. ut when you stay silent, you cannot get help, and you may keep feeling like a helpless victim. But, ignorance is not the right way to approach this situation.
Remember, there is always help. Sexual abuse therapy will help you understand and learn to accept what happened to you and give you new ways to manage the complicated feelings arising from the trauma. Working within the safety of a confidential relationship with a caring professional who has been trained to understand your feelings will help you discover answers to questions that confuse you.
Although victimized, you do not have to be a victim. Some people mistakenly believe that childhood sexual abuse is so emotionally devastating that victims can never recover and enjoy a normal, happy life. Healing is possible, and so is a deeply fulfilling life. What was taken from you is not what you are? You are so much more. You cannot change the terrible thing that happened to you. But with help, you can discover and develop your inner resources to overcome it, and to create safety, security, love, faith, and happiness in your life. You can feel whole again, and free and powerful to achieve your dreams and be the great person you were meant to be.
Below are more helpful resources:
- https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Childhood_Sexual_Abuse.aspx
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/somatic-psychology/201303/trauma-childhood-sexual-abuse
- https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/08/on-marrying-a-survivor-of-childhood-sexual-abuse/278967/
- https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/infosheet/childhood-sexual-abuse-a-mental-health-issue
Hope this helps,
Srija