Trigger Warning: The following content deals with topics related to nonconsensual sex.
I am very confused... I had a one nightstand with a random guy. We were both drunk and it was my first time having sex. He was really cute and asked me if I am sure that I want to do it. I said yes because I think I wanted it. But now I just feel so bad about it, all I want to do is cry.
This sounds like a challenging time for you. I am so sorry that you are struggling with navigating through these feelings. You are not alone in how you feel—a lot of people feel guilty after sex, especially if it’s something out of the norm for them. Alcohol impairs judgment as well, so it is a very tricky situation. You said he did ask you, and you said yes because you think you wanted to. This tells me that you weren’t sure how you felt at the time. When under the influence,it is difficult to discern your wants and therefore consent cannot be given.You were both drunk and not thinking as clearly as you could have been. Here is some information about consent: https://utulsa.edu/sexual-violence-prevention-education/alcohol-consent/. This might be why you're feeling guilty--you were unable to properly give consent.
Guilt is a very powerful emotion. It is a good idea to talk to someone you trust about what happened. Having support can make a huge difference in moving forward. It is also important that you support yourself. You can do this by being gentle with yourself. Speak to yourself with kindness. To make this easier, think about how you would talk to someone in your situation. Here are some tips on how to navigate feelings of guilt: https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/get-rid-of-guilt/. Accepting what happened is important. It will take some time, so be patient with yourself.
On a similar note, be sure to take care of your health as well. You should see a doctor, especially since this is your first sexual experience. It is a wise idea to get screened for STDs/STIs. During the heat of the moment, people may forget to disclose their STD status or use protection. You can go to your primary physician or find a testing facility here: https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/get-rid-of-guilt/. Also, keep an eye on your body. If something changes, it will be important to inform your doctor about it.
Hang in there,