So, I've... had a hard life. Like, bad. But I'm 35 now, stable job, stable home, I'm on meds for my mood swings and depression.
And somedays I'm fine. And when I'm busy, I'm okay. But when I have time to think, or intrusive thoughts manage to sneak in despite my best at distractions, everything just dumps in and I struggle. But those moments just last for a few hours and I pull myself out one way or another.
Last night, for example, something just clicked in my head and I struggled hard with my sucidal idealiaton to the point I started to think I needed to go to the ER to check myself in. I had just sort of... realized how alone I am. Most of the time I love my freedom, I don't want anyone in my life, but sometimes its feels like I'm a failure and no one will ever want me.
But, I'm getting off topic. When is it time to seek therapy? What is therapy going to help me with when most of the time I'm coping well? But yet, I wonder if I need to do something, because I feel like I have no idea what I am doing with life. I have everything I ever wanted, so why do I struggle? Why does my childhood keep popping up when I'm an adult? It shouldn't matter any more, right? I'm safe now, my needs are met. I should be happy....
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this difficult time, and I’m so happy you reached out to Asking Jude!
Although it can be scary, seeking therapy can provide you with relief and equip you with skills to cope with varying hardships or overwhelming emotions. There is definitely a stigma surrounding mental health and therapy, but suppressing our feelings or traumas can often cause greater harm to our emotional well-being in the future. Therapy can even be a great option for those that are perfectly healthy! Why? Well, just like having check-ups for our body even when we feel fine, we should also have check-ups for our brain when we think we're fine. Therefore, I think seeking therapy is a great option for you! Here is a link for a resource to find therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.
If, however, your situation makes seeking out a professional therapist difficult, Asking Jude provides a therapeutic alternative: peer counseling. With our peer counseling service, you are matched with a trained peer counselor that never handles more than one or two clients at a time. This will ensure you are receiving the personalized care you deserve. On top of that, you can schedule as many or as few sessions as you want, and you can control how much you want to pay too! All sessions are remote, so you can get mental health support all from the comfort of your own home. If you're interested, feel free to reach out to us and learn more by e-mailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
While it may seem like you “should” be happy, your depressed and possibly even anxious moods are entirely valid. Discussing your childhood with a professional therapist can help you work through your difficult past and heal unresolved wounds that are likely still impacting you. This article discusses more about the lingering impacts of difficult childhood experiences as well as some possible treatment options: https://life-care-wellness.com/how-does-childhood-trauma-affect-adults/.
Coping with suicidal thoughts can be debilitating, and I am so proud of your awareness and decision to reach out for help. If you are having suicidal thoughts at any point or feel the need to talk to someone, please, don’t hesitate to use this resource of hotlines: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention. If you are based in the U.S. and prefer texting, you can also use the Text Crisis Line by texting "HOME" to 741741. You'll be matched with a crisis counselor who can help you in a matter of minutes.
I would also recommend sharing how you feel, if you're comfortable, with a trusted family member or friend. Having someone you can talk to inside and outside of therapy is crucial for not feeling isolated. If you feel like your support system is lacking, you're not alone, and many people struggle with this. Here's some information on how to build a strong support system in spite of this: https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/additional-self-care-resources/developing-your-support-system.html; https://www.roadtogrowthcounseling.com/how-to-build-a-support-system/.
If you feel more comfortable expressing yourself privately, you can also journal, and this can even help your therapist better understand what your needs are based on your journal entries. Journaling is a great option for relieving stress and working through difficult situations. Here is a resource that discusses more about the positive impacts of journaling and how to start: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1.
You are not alone, and we are always here for you, so please, do not hesitate to reach out again!
You are loved. You are strong. You are beautiful. The world is a better place with you in it!
Jordan and Jude <3