i have been self harm for 10 months. but today i relapsed a little bit and i have been feeling extremely guilty about it. i don't want to reset my clock and i have been trying to pretend it didn't happen even though i know it did. i feel like everything went to waste
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Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles with self-harm, and I’m sorry to hear about the emotional toll that relapsing has caused you. I know it may seem that relapsing is a sign that you failed or that all of your hard work has gone to waste. After all, you’ve worked incredibly hard to even get to this point, and anything that might suggest otherwise can lead you to believe that you failed. However, I want to reassure you that that could not be further from the truth. Quitting any long-term habit is incredibly difficult, and self-harm is no exception. Therefore, I encourage you to congratulate yourself on all of the progress you have made. You might not have even thought that you would get this far, but you have, and that’s something to feel proud of.
You may be accustomed to this model of change: acknowledge you have a habit you would like to break, commit to breaking that habit, and ultimately never go back to that habit again. This is problematic because it does not acknowledge how difficult change can be and assumes there will not be barriers along the way. So, remind yourself (as often as you need) that change is not linear. There will be days that are far more difficult than others, and you may relapse on those days (which you want to avoid as best as possible, of course). However, if you do relapse, try your best to be easy on yourself. Acknowledge that it happened, and recognize that that moment does not define your healing journey at all. If you need help remembering that, consider looking into following links:
Also, have you told anyone about what you are going through? I recommend speaking with a therapist who can work with you directly and discuss what methods may work best for you on your road to recovery. I’m not sure how old you are, but here are some resources for seeking help:
It can also help to speak to a trusted and compassionate family member if you do not feel ready to speak to a professional. This can be scary and sometimes embarrassing; however, I want to remind you that you deserve the utmost support during these times. Your family member may be able to help you feel less alone and offer you encouragement when you most need it.
Lastly, I found some resources that list alternatives to self-harm that I believe can help you:
All of us at Asking Jude send you our best. We believe in you and your recovery.
Sending you love and support,
Hi there, lovely! I'm so sorry you are going through such turmoil. One of our team members will send you some support soon. Until then, stay strong.