I've been struggling with depression for years now, and was just recently told there's a good chance I have BPD. I've also been diagnosed with ADHD. I've been laying in my bed for over a year now, just getting worse. I feel empty. I feel like there's no hope. I can't enjoy anything anymore, I have no energy, no motivation, nothing. I can hardly crawl out of my bed to care for myself anymore. I'm 20 years old, and still live with my grandparents, and they keep telling me that I'll feel better if I get a job, and a schedule. I've tried working for 4 years. I don't think panic attacks every day, vomiting from stress, banging my head on walls from frustration, constantly worrying about everything and getting angry, and considering injuring myself every single day just to AVOID WORK is a thing I should go back to right now.
At the same time, I feel like maybe I'm just lazy. I've been thinking about going on disability because of how bad my mental state has gotten, but there's still that part of me that thinks I'm just being lazy and useless. I don't know what to do.. where do I even start? I can't keep living like this. If I go on like this much longer, I don't know what I'll do.
Sorry for such a long read.. I've got a lot on my mind..