I've been struggling with depression for years now, and was just recently told there's a good chance I have BPD. I've also been diagnosed with ADHD. I've been laying in my bed for over a year now, just getting worse. I feel empty. I feel like there's no hope. I can't enjoy anything anymore, I have no energy, no motivation, nothing. I can hardly crawl out of my bed to care for myself anymore. I'm 20 years old, and still live with my grandparents, and they keep telling me that I'll feel better if I get a job, and a schedule. I've tried working for 4 years. I don't think panic attacks every day, vomiting from stress, banging my head on walls from frustration, constantly worrying about everything and getting angry, and considering injuring myself every single day just to AVOID WORK is a thing I should go back to right now.
At the same time, I feel like maybe I'm just lazy. I've been thinking about going on disability because of how bad my mental state has gotten, but there's still that part of me that thinks I'm just being lazy and useless. I don't know what to do.. where do I even start? I can't keep living like this. If I go on like this much longer, I don't know what I'll do.
Sorry for such a long read.. I've got a lot on my mind..
It sounds like you have been having a really challenging time. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through so much, and my heart goes out to you. Not everyone is going to understand what you are going through and that can be frustrating. I understand, to an extent, how difficult it can be to get out of bed and do what you need to do for yourself.
That being said, your grandparents did make one good recommendation—not about the job, but about having a schedule. Having a routine can help you feel more grounded and alleviate depressive symptoms. Of course, don't go back to a job that makes you miserable, but you can still create a schedule (job or no job) that allows you to feel like you're going somewhere. You don't have to set mammoth goals either--just basic activities like brushing your teeth, going for a week, eating three meals a day, and more.
Here are some benefits of keeping a schedule: https://www.hackensackmeridianhealth.org/en/HealthU/2020/06/02/why-routines-are-important-for-mental-health#.Y15tLC8pDi0. Similarly, here is some information on how to create a schedule when facing mental health issues: https://mhanational.org/creating-healthy-routines. Finally, here are some things you could add to your daily routine when facing depression: https://psychcentral.com/depression/daily-routine-for-depression.
And when starting a new routine, certain goals can feel unattainable, but even going to check the mail can make a world of difference. Even if you don’t do this everyday—don’t give up! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t where you want to be, either. All of this is going to take time.
Something that I also think will help you is journaling. You don’t have to have perfect grammar to get your feelings out. Writing about your day, how you’re feeling, or what you’re thinking about can help get your thoughts together. Here is some information on the benefits of journaling: https://www.rtor.org/2021/04/24/the-benefits-of-journaling-for-mental-health/.
The following are possible mood journal templates that you could use as well:
And if you prefer digital, there are apps you can use to track your mood. Take a look at the following link to find out what app is best for you: https://www.verywellmind.com/best-mood-tracker-apps-5212922.
Work may not be the best option for you right now, and this does NOT make you lazy. If your physical and mental well-being are at risk, then it is best to find the root of those issues. I do not know your financial situation or if you have insurance, but I think talking to a professional may help you. You can start with your doctor—they are a good source of knowledge in your surrounding area.
If you do not have a doctor, I recommend www.betterhelp.com . This website offers counseling at a discounted rate. As our founder stated, Asking Jude also provides pay-what-you-want, remote peer counselling, and you can learn more by e-mailing us at email@example.com. I am not sure of your location, but https://988lifeline.org is another option if you need someone to talk to. Someone is available 24/7 to listen.
I think you could really benefit from support. Reach out to the people who make you feel safe. If you don’t have anyone, that’s okay, too. Look for support groups in your area. Support from others can be very powerful and validating.
Something else that may help you is movement. You don’t have to run a 5K or anything drastic like that. Just getting some fresh air can help. Here are some tips on how to get your body moving, even when you feel like lying still: https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/six-ways-motivate-yourself-move-when-youre.
No matter what, we at Asking Jude are here for you. We believe in you, and you can always turn to us for help. Please, don't give up. There are so many beautiful things life has left to offer you if you just give it a chance.
Stay strong for us, and happy Halloween!
Andrea & Jude
Hi, @Alex C ! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. One of our peer counsellors will be getting back to you shortly.
Oh! And just to let you know: Asking Jude offers remote, pay-what-you-can peer counselling via text messaging or video/audio call. You can pay as much or as little as you want and do it from the comfort of your own home. This is a great therapy alternative if traditional therapy is out of your reach. If this interests you, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
That being said, we always respond to submissions at anytime for free, and we'll answer yours soon. Until then, stay strong!