Hey Komyo,

You are absolutely right when you say that we care about you.

I obviously know very little about your circumstances. I'm not going to pretend that exercise and "doing fun things" will magically make your concerns go away (although I advocate that they can be great coping mechanisms). However, I would like to think that the reason you came back to Asking Jude was because you still have a glimpse of hope for improving your situation. Maybe you even slightly believe that your pain can be reduced with a little support from us. Hold onto that glimpse and allow us to help you in the best way we can.

I wish I could tell you that the road to recovering from distress and trauma is instant. But healing takes work, and a lot of it. It requires commitment, pain that you have to address, and situations that you have to confront in order to make life more bearable. But just because it isn't easy doesn't mean you aren't worth the fight.

Based on your replies, I bet you are holding onto a lot of anger. And I bet you have a lot of good reasons to be angry, too. Take the time to channel your anger into something expressive; for instance, write out everything you are feeling onto some loose pieces of paper. Then, tear those pieces of paper to shreds. Symbolically destroy the thoughts that are trying to convince you that life is not worth living. You could also crush an empty water bottle, squeeze a pillow, or blast loud music, to name a few. Although the following link is a list of alternatives to self-harm, the items on the list could also serve as methods to relieve built-up tension: https://www.firstpersonplural.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Alternative-coping-mechanisms-to-avoid-self-harm.pdf. Keep in mind that you might feel a little silly attempting some of these. But ask yourself, what's the harm in trying?

Another thing I want to touch on is the vicious cycle of negative thoughts. These are the thoughts that are telling you that suicide is your only option. I challenge you to question and combat those thoughts. After all, they are only thoughts until we give them meaning and/or act on them. I know that you have the power to control them, so here is a PDF that might help with that: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/challenging-negative-thoughts.pdf

If you could tell me with certainty that you have experienced everything good in this world, I might believe you when you say that there is nothing left to offer you. However, I can promise you with the upmost certainty that you belong here and that good things are still waiting for you, Komyo. I believe it, the rest of the Asking Jude team believes it, and I encourage you to believe it too. This next part might sound extremely cheesy, but bear with me: watch tomorrow's sunrise. I can't exactly explain it, but there is something so calming about watching the sun emerge from the different colors of the sky. You might even be able to hear birds chirping and feel a nice breeze on your skin. And the best part is, you're alive to witness it all.

Thus, take advantage of experiencing basic things you might not typically appreciate, like sunrises. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, treat yourself to a favorite meal, hug a family member, reach out to an old friend, or listen your favorite song. These activities are not meant to diminish the validity of your concerns, but they can help you remember that there are plenty of things to love in your environment; you just have to pay special attention to notice them sometimes.

Lastly, just in case you change your mind, here is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline again: 1-800-273-8255 (and here's the website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). Calling might be very helpful or it might not. Just promise me that you'll try. And if you start to feel unloved or alone, remind yourself that you have the love and support from all of us at Asking Jude.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,

Helen

Alright I'm going to kill myself tomorrow. Goodbye

I’m sorry but those hotlines are completely useless, as is therapy. It all boils down to shockingly unoriginal and basic forms of advice that insult ones intelligence. It’s all this “get more exercise” “do fun things” nonsense.

Theres nothing that can be done about how I feel. I hate every second of this and I want it to stop. No one will ever love me and I’ll be alone forever

There are no communities I belong to. I don’t even like people these days. They are full of so much hate and fanaticism and hypocrisy.

Yes I’m a “marginal group” I’m an asian and the son of a refugee, but I feel much more marginalized by the so called “Black lives matter” movement but I guess you’re not allowed to criticize them and there are no safe spaces from them and their hatred.

No the world hasn nothing to offer. Theres nothing out there for me. And besides I dont have access to it because of my physical illnesses. Its over. I lost the best years of my life. I hate this life and I want out. I want out

Hi there,

Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I’m so sorry for the pain you are experiencing right now. Of course, I know nothing about the conditions you are in, nor do I know much about your identity. Thus, I will try to assume as little as I can. First and foremost, please keep the suicide hotline number at hand: 1-800-273-8255. Remind yourself that our darkest days are temporary, and we at Asking Jude are here to support you through them.

I want to emphasize that there is no such thing as a person who does not belong in this world. I want you to ask yourself: what is it about me that makes me think I do not belong here? Then, consider thinking about possible communities you can join to help you feel more welcome.

I am sure you have heard this before and I would hate to sound repetitive. However, I encourage you to find a therapist with whom you connect. You can visit this link (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) to find therapists in your area, however I also recommend visiting https://openpathcollective.org/ if you are looking for more affordable options. On top of that, check out this following link (https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJV4JAeN/) if you are a member of a marginalized community as it will offer recommendations for more inclusive therapy options.

Seeking therapy is not always feasible, whether it be because of its cost or because of your personal preferences. Rest assured, there are other ways to receive mental health support. For instance, are there compassionate friends or close family members in your life that you can confide in about what you are going through? I know it must be difficult to be in your position, and I can imagine it would not help to go through it alone. Thus, find people you trust and allow them to offer you the support you deserve. Even if they do not offer you advice or solve your concerns, it helps to have reminders that we are loved and cared for.

If you are not ready to open up to anyone just yet, I suggest finding ways to express your emotions in a healthy manner. Some people find comfort in private journaling; this can allow you to rationalize your worries and even find solutions. Here is a link to mental health journaling if this is something that interests you: https://screening.mhanational.org/content/how-keep-mental-health-journal/. If journaling doesn’t interest you, consider finding another outlet, such as music, art, meditation, or exercise (such as kickboxing, slow walks in the park, dancing, etc.).

I can also promise you that the world has more to offer you than you might think. You seem relatively young, and I have a great feeling that you have not experienced everything you have ever wanted. Have you seen your favorite band in concert? Have you traveled to the country of your dreams? Have you played the instrument you have always wanted to try?Consider keeping a list of what you want to experience in your lifetime; this can help remind you that 1) this world is indeed for you and 2) you have not seen enough quite yet.

As you cope through this, know that you have the support of Asking Jude by your side. We are rooting for you and we want to help you in whichever way we can. If you have further questions or concerns, please let us know.

I also want to emphasize the importance of self-maintenance, especially during this period. Although it could include activities like having a spa day, self-maintenance is not limited to focusing on one’s appearance; it encompasses mental and physical health as well. Partaking in self-maintenance regularly can only affect your day but can have a large influence on your outlook on life as a whole. Remember that changes do not have to be large in order to be impactful; simply drinking a few more ounces of water than you normally would can help remind you to stay hydrated. More examples of this can include stretching for a few seconds in the morning, going on social media for five minutes less each day, reading a page of that book you have been meaning to finish, and splashing your face with cold water in the morning. The following links helped me during extended periods of sadness and loneliness: https://youtu.be/mkdjPEmlcNg and https://youtu.be/9Ml86PhDYoY. I hope they offer you the same.

Sending all of my love and support,

Helen

Hi, Komyo! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through something so difficult. One of our team members will be answering your submission by the end of tonight. Until then, feel free to e-mail me at jude@askingjude.org. Stay strong.