I don't understand why I always feel like I want to stop talking or interacting with all of my friends. I just don't feel like myself whenever I am around them. They are used to seeing the weird but playful side of me, and I can't help but notice how uncomfortable I make them when I just be myself around them. I can't help but feel so disconnected from them, like we're not in zinc anymore, and I don't know how to tell them that. I have never opened up or been vulnerable around my friends, and I feel really uncomfortable at the thought of telling them that I don't really want to talk to them anymore. I have one close friend, and I feel like she's all I need. I feel like such an awful person for wanting that, especially since my friends are such warm and wonderful people. I think I'm just not emotionally available at the moment? But I've been feeling this way towards people I'm close with for years now. I think they're better off without someone as constantly shifting and drifting away like me.
What should I do?
thanks for the advice and kindness!💛 I'll give it a try
I think you’re right that you feel emotionally unavailable. I also say that it’s not the best idea to put all your eggs in one basket; in other words, it’s good to have more than one friend in whom you can confide because it keeps everyone from feeling burnt out. You get a better range of perspectives for problem-solving, to boot.
I found a great article all about what it means to be emotionally unavailable:
https://www.healthline.com/health/emotionally-unavailable#causes
It talks about what causes people to behave this way and ways to work through it.
If you feel closed off to everyone except this one friend, do you suppose it’s because you’re falling for her? Or do you find your other friends tiresome or annoying in some way? Perhaps you’re a more introverted person and spending time with too many people (or just too much socialization in general) makes you feel exhausted.
This first link is a short quiz to see where you lie on that spectrum:
https://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/are-you-an-introvert-or-an-extrovert.html
This next link is a more detailed exploration of the introversion-extroversion spectrum:
https://positivepsychology.com/introversion-extroversion-spectrum/
I’m wondering if you’re having trouble maintaining friendships because you simply don’t have the energy to do so. Have you ever been treated for depression or any other conditions? One of the most common symptoms is withdrawing from others (usually because one doesn’t have the energy or feels like a burden).
Whatever is going on, I think it’s worth it to talk about it with a therapist or counselor. They can help you get to the root of why you feel closed off and how to slowly build those bridges with your other friends. If you’re in school, see if you can get in contact with someone at your campus’ counseling office/guidance counselors (depending on your age). You can even look into telemedicine because of the ongoing pandemic; many counselors offer this and there are services like TalkSpace and BetterHelp that offer it all the time. Plus, Captain Awkward’s blog has great ways to find low-cost mental health services.
You can also go onto Asking Jude’s boards and talk with other users. You never know; someone else might be in the same situation as you.
I hope you remember that building friendships takes time and patience, as does building a healthy relationship with yourself. We’ll be here for you if you want more help.
Socially-distanced hugs,
Angelica Barile
Hey, Cecily! I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I am a member here at Asking Jude. Based on how you express yourself in your 'ask,' I think you should make the effort to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist. That's my humble opinion. I would recommend that if there were no pandemic, but given the current situation, your dilemma must be painful... One of the peer counselors will communicate with you...
Hi, Cecily! Angelica will be answering your submission soon. Thank you!