My friends went out today without asking me because "I tend to be quite busy". They knew that I finished my Bc. thesis, however, so I have a lot more time now. They always asked before, and it's not like I stay home that often, PLUS we have a group chat where it would be easy to discuss. BUT then they called me at 11pm that they are at our favorite bar and its finally open and they remembered that maybe I won't be busy anymore. They know I hate going out that late, and I live quite far from the place. So as a proper mentally ill person I proceeded to have a mental breakdown over the fact that they don't like me that much and I'll never be a proper member of the group and so instead of going out and feeling like they don't want me there, I said I won't go and isolated myself. I feel like I'm gonna be isolating myself for weeks now, this is what I do whenever I feel unwanted but I didn't to this extent with them before and I hate that in trying to protect myself from being isolated, I isolated myself. I suspect I have borderline. That could be considered one of its symptoms, right? I don't know what to do to help with this (already trying to find a therapist). Whenever I feel in any way unwanted, I isolate myself and then of course people don't want to be close friends with someone who seems so distant. To them it's probably me who seems like I don't want to be friends.