I really need someone to talk to but I don't wanna upset anyone around me or bring them down. I've never felt pretty but lately I feel like the ugliest person in the world, I took a few selfies the other day (and i NEVER take pics) and looking through them made me cry my eyes out, I look hideous in them. It's no wonder I've never had a boyfriend. I feel so hopeless for myself and my future. I plan on making appointments w a psychologist.
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Hello!
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for help! First off, I am glad you are scheduling a therapy appointment, as having some dialogue about this issue will be very helpful to you. Remember to express your feelings openly and honestly as that is what health professionals are here for, and you are not bringing anyone down by doing so. Here are some other places you can visit to access health professionals as soon as possible:
https://www.7cups.com/
https://paindoctor.com/free-therapy-online/
https://www.betterhelp.com/
Although it is sad to hear you do not find yourself pretty, which I certainly bet that you are, I am happy you are talking about it to me. Sometimes it is difficult to find the beauty in ourselves, and taking selfies with our phones may not always be the best solution. This is because when we see the selfies of other people online, they are posting the most appealing pictures of themselves, such as ones that are from a really good day for that person, professionally taken, or edited. Comparing our usual selves to the most appealing version of someone else is harmful to our confidence. I know you do not feel pretty right now, but trust me, you are beautiful. Think about how every person on this earth looks so incredibly different. You are so unique and wonderful in a way no one could replicate.
On top of that, a lot of beauty comes from our personalities shining through, making us glow in charming ways. I know that you have an awesome personality because you care enough about yourself to reach out for help, and you care enough about others to worry about your impact on them. That sounds like a very sweet person to me.
I suggest you try a few things to boost your confidence in your appearance. The first thing is to try picking out traits that you like about yourself. I know this can be difficult when we don’t feel like anything about us is pretty, but start by picking out one thing. Maybe you have a cute nose, a warm smile, or soft hair. Every so often search for more traits you like about yourself. This should help a little.
The next technique I suggest is affirmations. Try writing a list of positive compliments you would like to hear about yourself. Next, place all of these compliments from a first-person perspective; an example of this would be, “I am strong and beautiful.” Try writing these over when you are feeling down, or repeating them to yourself in the mirror. At the moment, it may not feel impactful, but eventually, those affirmations will work their way into how you view yourself without you even noticing.
The last topic I would like to address is your idea that since you do not have a boyfriend, you are somehow not beautiful. Shake this train of thought from your head immediately! Your worth is not dependent on how anyone else views you!! Your worth stems from you and only you. If you do not have a boyfriend, it is not because of how pretty you are but because there are simply no boys who match with you now, and that is more than okay. Here are some helpful links about building confidence and self-love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wNGkqit7wA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfglxHdL--g
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/11-scientific-ways-to-make-yourself-look-and-feel-more-attractive-a7886021.html
If you need to contact someone immediately or are in crisis text or call these numbers:
Text Hotline: Suicide Hotline by Texting HOME to 741741(US)
Suicide Hotline by Text Shout to 85258 (UK)
Suicide Hotline by Text CONNECT to 686868 (Canada)
Call Hotlines:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Toll-Free: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Toll-Free (español): 1-888-628-9454
Hugs,
Max