Trigger Warning: The following content contains references to self-harm.
Hii👋
I am 21 years old and my body is covered with scars from years of selfharming. My youngest sister is now 10 years old and she has repeatetly asked me why I have so many "white and red lines" all over my skin. I really don't know how I should explain to her what they are and why I have them...
Hello there,
This sounds like a challenging situation. A lot of people do not know how to explain the concept of self-harm to kids. Oftentimes, people think that this topic, among many others, are not age-appropriate. Though it’s true that every child is different, along with their ability to process information, there is a way to talk to kids about sensitive subjects without overwhelming them. Here are some tips on how to talk about mental health with kids: https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Talking-To-Kids-About-Mental-Illnesses-084.aspx. Something that I think is very important is age-appropriate information. For example, being simple and straightforward can help your sister understand what you’ve been through. “I hurt myself because I was sad” may be a way for her to understand.
Though she is young, kids know more about things than us adults think. Next time she asks about your scars, ask her what she knows about self-harm. This gives her a chance to let you know what she knows and what she doesn’t. This way, you have a way to better understand how to approach the subject. Here are some tips on how to talk to kids about sensitive subjects: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-difficult-subjects. Timing matters, of course. It is a good idea to make sure she is in a good head-space, and you are as well. Make sure the two of you have enough time to talk about this, that way, you won’t have to rush off to do something in the middle of the conversation.
Your sister may have questions, so it is important that you keep the conversation open. This does not mean you have to answer everything to completion either. You don’t have to go into too much detail if you don’t want. Boundaries will be important here. If you start to feel uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with letting her know. Here are some tips on how to set and enforce boundaries with kids: https://childmind.org/article/teaching-kids-boundaries-empathy/. Acknowledging her feelings is also very important. Make sure to ask her how she feels about what she’s learned. Keep checking in throughout the conversation to make sure she isn’t getting overwhelmed. This may seem like a really complex subject, but as long as the information given is age-appropriate, your sister (and you) will do great.
Good luck,
Andrea