So, I am 22 and I have two best friends. One I have known sonce before I can remember - we grew up on the same street. She moved when we were 13 and after that she found a new friend who I now also have a solid frienship with. I don't have a lot of friends and these 2 are deifnatly my closest relations outside of family. All three of us have the same first name and so we have just been a natural sisters club since day 1. I love them to pieces.
Now to the issue. We are all three in University, at varying stagds of education -I'm in my last year, my oldest friend is about half-way and the third one is practically finish unless she choose to go back for a higher degree. They both live in the same city about 1h away from me. It is closer than where they lived before but still a distance that clearly affects our relationship. I often feel jelous and excluded/neglected due to the fact that I see them much less than they see eachother. Recently, besides COVID causing troubles, they 've been very busy in their lives and has cited that as the reason making it impossible to see eachother, or they change the type of plan we have/cancell last minute because they're tired. One has a live in partner, the other dates pn and off and both run their own household while I am single and still living at home. It's also made worse by them discussing moving around the country or even abroad, making me feel even more unimportant to them.
Part of me knows that because I've been bullied and had a hard time making friends I'm sensetive to these issues. Part of me knows that I feel like an immature child comparing my life to theirs and I shouldn't. But I also feel that they don't care as much as I do and they don't put in the effort I know I would to make sure we keep in contact and meet up regularly.
What does one do with these feelings? How do I make myself feel better? So far making a friend at school and becoming tight with her has helped but it and Tinder is not enough to deal with these ugly thoughts.
Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult situation. Friendships can be hard and all of your feelings are completely normal. I am also really sorry you experienced bullying. It is important you know that bullies are truly just insecure of themselves and their actions have nothing to do with those they target. If you feel like speaking with someone about your past experiences with bullying or anything else may be helpful, here is a resource for finding therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.
I would recommend expressing your feelings to your friends. Telling them how you feel can be an important step in strengthening your friendship. I would first suggest explaining how you feel the lack of time the group is spending together is making you feel detached from the friendship. Then, you could include some ideas that would be convenient for everyone to make time for each other. For example, this could include scheduling a weekly time to have a group video chat. Here is an article that provides some information on how to communicate your feelings to others:
https://www.psychcompany.com/2019/productively-communicating-your-feelings/
I would also recommend incorporating things you enjoy into your daily life as much as you can. Whether it’s drawing, playing an instrument, or going on a bike ride, I think doing things you love can help bring you some more happiness! Journaling is also a fun activity that can help you work through your emotions. Here is a link on journaling on some of the benefits of journaling:
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
Making new friends can be hard and I am really happy to hear about your new friend at school! Joining clubs or organizations in addition to meeting people at school can also help you to meet more people and make new friends.
I really hope all of this information is helpful and I am so glad you came to Asking Jude for help. Please don’t hesitate to reach out again, whenever needed :). We are here for you!
Love,
Jordan Sadan
Hi, @Gina ! Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. Our peer counsellor, Jordan Sadan, will be answering your submission shortly. Thank you so much! Stay strong!