I’m sorry to hear that you are facing this difficult situation. Often, when you are with someone, it is important to you that their family approves of you and likes you. A lot of the time, the goal is to become a part of your partner’s family, so it can be shocking and hurtful when a situation arises where this might not be the possibility. However, remember that you are dating your partner, not their parents.
It sounds like you and your partner need to sit down and have a serious conversation about this. It’s definitely hurtful to you, but there may be a lot that is going on behind the scenes between your partner and his parents. They could be just as hurt (likely more hurt because they have to interact with their parents a lot more) or not care as much. They could be trying to reason with their parents. If they value their parents’ opinions, they are probably very conflicted right now. That is why it is important to keep your partner’s feelings in mind in this scenario.
That being said, acknowledging your feelings is just as important. It is important that you take some time to think through the situation. You should ask yourself how important it is to you that your partner’s family approves of you. You should consider if this is a situation that is a deal-breaker for you, despite caring about your partner. Think about your ideal relationship. If you know why they don’t approve, think about the reason. Before you approach your partner to talk, you should know fully what you feel and what you want in a relationship and in the future. This situation might be able to be resolved in some way. However, there is also the possibility that that may not be the case, so you should recognize this as you approach the conversation and prepare for this possibility. Here are some resources that can help you prepare for this difficult conversation:
Hi there,
I’m sorry to hear that you are facing this difficult situation. Often, when you are with someone, it is important to you that their family approves of you and likes you. A lot of the time, the goal is to become a part of your partner’s family, so it can be shocking and hurtful when a situation arises where this might not be the possibility. However, remember that you are dating your partner, not their parents.
It sounds like you and your partner need to sit down and have a serious conversation about this. It’s definitely hurtful to you, but there may be a lot that is going on behind the scenes between your partner and his parents. They could be just as hurt (likely more hurt because they have to interact with their parents a lot more) or not care as much. They could be trying to reason with their parents. If they value their parents’ opinions, they are probably very conflicted right now. That is why it is important to keep your partner’s feelings in mind in this scenario.
That being said, acknowledging your feelings is just as important. It is important that you take some time to think through the situation. You should ask yourself how important it is to you that your partner’s family approves of you. You should consider if this is a situation that is a deal-breaker for you, despite caring about your partner. Think about your ideal relationship. If you know why they don’t approve, think about the reason. Before you approach your partner to talk, you should know fully what you feel and what you want in a relationship and in the future. This situation might be able to be resolved in some way. However, there is also the possibility that that may not be the case, so you should recognize this as you approach the conversation and prepare for this possibility. Here are some resources that can help you prepare for this difficult conversation:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/some-assembly-required/201703/how-have-difficult-conversations
https://www.understood.org/en/family/relationships/significant-other/9-tips-for-having-difficult-conversations-with-your-partner
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201406/5-tips-tough-conversations-your-partner
https://nyctherapy.com/therapists-nyc-blog/how-to-have-better-conversations-with-your-partner/
And don’t forget self-care through this difficult situation:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/20-selfcare-practices-for_b_10314820?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANMZXnkg_TBs-xSMX6Q0g5zRiNhodAt8LobMax5K8lb7LT9wE43d9VkzUisG3hJTY5chWFWOh3x2KgMl8LCQcqHbTfZbEt3ZBLpNSzK23GdgI8sj8Yo65cRkjBELumQJ2_b3kcxSDFi_15owp2lpcq1kTzcF2D4Ly1LhBGLtGayi
https://greatist.com/happiness/ways-to-practice-self-care#1
https://greatist.com/happiness/ways-to-practice-self-care#1
I hope that you and your partner can have a productive conversation about your relationship and reach a conclusion that meets your needs.
Best wishes,
Mikaela