hey jude. there is this person at my school, we used to be really good friends and i told them a lot about me. this has all turned and they now use everything they can against me. i have gone to the school already, and it went better for a while. now they do the same, but smarter so that it is not really bullying. they also know a lot about my little brother and i feel like i have to protect him. basically everything is a mess for me rn, and i feel guilty. what should i do? i have no f idea
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Hi there,
Believe it or not, I’ve been where you are. I trusted someone with something so personal, and ended up having it used against me. I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I understand how painful and frustrating it can be. It is hard to understand why someone would want to intentionally cause us pain. I know you feel guilty, and there isn’t a simple trick to get the guilty feelings to go away. The good news is, there are ways to manage guilty feelings.
A lot of the time, guilt is self-inflicted. We often ruminate on our past actions. It’s sort of like we’re beating ourselves up over it. Be kind to yourself. Try to stop the negative thoughts before they surface. This link has some helpful tips on how to manage guilt: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201505/regret-8-ways-move.
I know that changing your way of thinking seems like it’s simplifying what you’re going through. Such a big problem doesn’t seem to be helped by something so small—but it can make a big difference. You spoke to someone that you thought you could trust, and there is nothing wrong with that. This person turned out to be hurtful, and that says more about them than it does you. Stop blaming yourself, because you didn’t choose this outcome. Accept what is. I know it’s hard to deal with someone knowing so much about you, but it cannot be undone. The people who truly know and care about you will not hold it against you. Here are more tips on managing guilt: https://www.sound-mind.org/dealing-with-guilt.html#.X0PJFy1q2hA. As for your little brother, I know how it feels to want to protect someone so fiercely. Maybe it would be best to tell him what might happen, so he won’t be blindsided by this. Being honest with him is a form or protecting him, because he will be able to protect himself.
I understand that you spoke to the administration at your school about the issue before, and things got better. Sometimes, it takes being vocal, quite often, to create a permanent change. Even though this person has changed their tactics, their behavior is still distressing to you, so I think that’s worth talking to someone about. Speaking to a school guidance counselor about how you’ve been feeling can be beneficial. Sometimes, all a person needs to do is to vocalize everything that is going on in their head. A counselor can also be a great ally in situations like this. Here is some more information on the benefits of school counselors: https://ct.counseling.org/2016/06/bullying-counselors-can-intervene/.
Hang in there!
Andrea