My friend started acting strange less than a year ago. I was in a relationship she didn't approve of. She always has been judgy of my life. I guess I was always afraid of losing her. Been friends 15+ yrs. The thing is she never talked personal with me. I found out things thru mutual friends. She was always trying to one up me even tho I didn't care. She finally got a job and became snobby. We are in our late 20s. I never judged her for never working but I hated that she judged me constantly. She was always trying to prove some point. Well my life changed in 2021. That's when my friend became a stranger. In November I got hurt in an accident. My friend was nowhere. She appeared to talk when she wanted to but got mad/aggressive if I asked for a chat. We live over 1 hour apart but she never commits to meeting up. I started not recognizing her. It was her way or the highway. She got distant at New Year's. She stopped talking and disappeared finally. I did everything literally to find her. She sent one msg months later and that's all. I got no answers from her. What do i do? I miss her a lot but she's mia. Its been 8 months since we actually talked and 3 months since she texted me. Any advice id appreciate.
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Hi there,
I am sorry that all of this is going on. Recovering from an accident takes a lot of support, and not having support from the people you thought would be there for you is. . . well, it’s hurtful to say the least.
The first thing I would usually recommend is reaching out to her and telling her how you feel, but it sounds like you have done everything you can do to reach out. The ball is no longer in your court. I know it’s hard because you miss your friend a lot, but from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like they were a good fit for you--or most people.
Your friend was competing with you, but you never tried to act like it was a competition. Your friend was very judgmental toward you even though you were supportive. It seems like this friendship was completely one-sided. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t have love for this person—it just means you have to approach the situation a little differently. Here are some ways to cope with missing someone: https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-cope-with-missing-people/. One of my favorite tips is number two: honoring the feeling. It is okay to miss someone. You don’t have to brush the feelings aside in order to cope. Acknowledge how you’re feeling.
As we age, we change. You aren’t the same person you were when you were younger. There is nothing wrong with evolving—in fact, it’s healthy. Sometimes, the situations of life can show a different side of a person. Who do you lean on when times are hard? Your friend wasn’t there when you needed her and wasn’t very nice when you reached out. The ones who were willing to support you during the accident and beyond are the ones you want to keep close to you. Here are some tips on making good friends: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm. A good friend is going to support you and lift you up when you need it, not brush you off and leave you feeling isolated and alone.
I think that the only thing you can do is move forward. I’m not saying leave your friendship in the dust—I’m just saying to focus on yourself. Focus on your friendships with others. Your friend will either come around, or she won’t. And if she doesn’t, it will be painful, but not fatal. Platonic relationships and romantic relationships are similar in regards to how it feels when things aren’t going well. Heartbreak is heartbreak. Here are some tips on how to get through it: https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-move-on/. Talking about it is one of my favorite tips. You don’t have to talk negatively about your friend, but getting the situation off your chest may help. If you have friends who aren’t mutual to you and your friend, I recommend talking to them about it. It may seem small, but talking can make a world of difference.
Hang in there,
Andrea