Hey there!

I completely understand how frustrating it is to not understand what a friend is trying to communicate. People often act in confusing ways with little explanation. Having a crush on a friend can be a complicated situation, especially when your friend is knowingly affecting your emotions. No matter the circumstances, dealing with an unrequited crush can be difficult. It sounds like you recognize and accept the fact that a relationship between you and your friend is unobtainable. However, if you are struggling to manage this relationship, I have provided some resources that may help you. This website contains forums that may help you navigate a relationship with someone who identifies as aromantic/asexual: http://www.asexuality.org. You can also read this article to better understand how to establish safe and consensual relationships/friendships: https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-consent-does-and-doesnt-look-like/.

It is important to prioritize your self-respect, boundaries, and well-being in this situation, especially since this is someone you consider your best friend. There are many possible explanations for your friend’s actions. Even though your friend knows about your sexual interests, it’s possible that she does not fully comprehend the effect her actions are having on you. It could also be that your friend is using degradation as a way to establish her own boundaries. Without discounting your own feelings, try to keep in mind that it may be difficult for your friend to manage her sexuality in terms of your friendship. If she is aware of your crush, she could be dealing with her own confusing feelings about the situation.

Remember that communication and consent are necessities in any relationship. Try to have an open and honest conversation with your friend about how her actions have been affecting you, and hopefully she will reciprocate the same level of honesty. If you want to maintain this friendship, try to establish mutual respect. Start the conversation with empathy, so it is easier for your friend to do the same. It’s okay to tell your friend that you are uncomfortable with their actions. Being clear and open about your feelings can help her understand how she is making you feel, and setting specific boundaries will help to protect your well-being. These links offer guidance on establishing healthy boundaries with friends: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/friendship-boundaries/; https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/self-esteem/steps-to-setting-healthy-boundaries/.

You may find that leaving this relationship is most beneficial. In this case, I would urge you to read this article on how to gracefully end a friendship: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-end-friendship-4174037. Here, you will find some guidelines on how to deal with common conflicts between friends (e.g., when things feel emotionally unbalanced): https://www.thehealthy.com/family/relationships/friendship-problems.

You deserve relationships that make you feel valued and understood. If you do not feel these things within this particular friendship, then you may consider seeking additional support from trusted friends, family members, or professional resources. Remember that you will never know exactly why your friend is doing this until you have that conversation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works best for your emotional well-being. If you have trouble dealing with feelings of frustration or sadness, do not hesitate to speak with a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can provide support and strategies for managing these feelings and working toward a solution.

I hope you and your friend can work through this issue healthily and honestly.

Love,

Mikayla