i was wondering if you have any advice on how to tell platonic stuff from romantic stuff. my friend and i talk about falling in love and getting married a lot but it’s always in the pretence of a fantasy world. and we’re best friends and i haven’t had one of those in a while so i can’t tell if this is just like a friendly thing? sorry if thats too specific you don’t have to answer!!
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Hi love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. This is a very tricky situation. First of all, I’d like to say that you’re not alone, this is more common than you think. Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer to this question. Love and relationships are always complicated. They depend on communication, interaction, and people’s perception of each other.
People have different criteria for affection and comfort levels with each other. What you think is romantic might be platonic to others, and vice versa. Personally, whether platonic or romantic, to be in a relationship is to have a person who lifts you up and has a positive impact on your life. The difference between the two is that a romantic relationship makes you desire the person and makes you want to be desirable to the other person.
People talk about getting married and falling in love very frequently as they want to feel secure. They want to be loved, and to always feel wanted. So fantasizing about a world where that is possible is totally normal. But romantic vs platonic feelings are not a black and white field. You may find that one day you have some romantic feelings that weren't there before, or that the romantic feelings you had have faded, and only platonic feelings remain. Or you may simply find that the small feelings you had have flourished into something larger.
I suggest you first try to figure out your feelings for your friend. Do you feel like you want the relationship to go further than your friendship right now? Or do you feel like you are secure in your friendship and want it to continue the way it is? I think understanding what you want will help you decide the next steps.
If you feel like you want the relationship to take a romantic turn, then try small gestures. A little flirty comment, a teasing touch, something that might be out of the ordinary for your current friendship. Then gauge your friend’s reaction. If you want your friendship to remain platonic, it might be worth your time to set some boundaries or clear some things up. In any case, communication is what is most important.
However, I am not aware of your history or any details about your friendship. So asking a neutral third party such as a mutual friend for advice will be a lot more helpful in your situation. When your friend suggests getting married, ask yourself what it is that you are truly searching for. Is it companionship, intimacy, physical contact or something else? Understanding that might be helpful in differentiating between the two.
Here are some resources that might help:
-https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/platonic-love-romantic-love/1816206
-https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/what-are-the-different-types-of-love/
-https://www.regain.us/advice/general/the-definition-of-a-platonic-relationship-and-what-the-opposite-is/
-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ethical-wisdom/201305/the-eros-friendship-what-do-platonic-passion
Wishing you all the best,
Manisha