Hi,
I think I might be in love with my best friend who I've known for a big chunk of my life. I've been told they also have a crush on me and we've also been shipped together quite a lot. I don't want to tell them quite yet, because I'm (really) young and I don't want to ruin a friendship I've had for so long. I don't know how to deal with these feelings and was hoping you had some advice
Hey love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude! It is understandable that you might not be ready to express how you feel to your friend. Being honest with your emotions can put you in an emotionally vulnerable situation, and fear of rejection can often be terrifying and discouraging.
It could be helpful to process your emotions by talking to a trusted family member or close friend. Communicating how you feel to an unbiased party can help you understand your feelings and come to a decision about how to approach the situation. If you do not feel comfortable discussing the topic with anyone and would prefer to process your emotions alone, journaling is a great alternative.
Journaling is a stress-free way to relieve any anxieties you may have about the situation. There are many different ways to journal, but the stream of consciousness method is a particularly effective way to clarify your thoughts because you do not have to worry about proper grammar or punctuation.
Here are some resources that discuss journaling and its benefits in greater detail: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=; https://development-academy.co.uk/news-tips/the-benefits-of-journalling/.
If you eventually feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with your friend, I would recommend doing so. Rejection can be terrifying, but honesty and open communication is vital to all relationships and always the right choice. That being said, always make sure that you are respecting their boundaries and keeping an open mind during the discussion. Try to be as direct and concise as possible; beating around the bush and being overly vague could confuse them. It is possible that they may not reciprocate your feelings or feel emotionally ready to pursue a relationship, and that is perfectly fine. It is important to respect their decision regardless of the outcome.
I have provided resources that contain tips for effective communication: https://www.psychcompany.com/2019/productively-communicating-your-feelings/; https://www.chrysaliscourses.ac.uk/news/why-communication-is-key-to-healthy-relationships.
Having feelings for a friend is a completely normal situation that most people eventually encounter. You can’t always control your romantic feelings, but you can always control how you respond to them. Keep in mind that there is no deadline on how long you can take to tell them how you feel. You should wait as long as you need until you feel comfortable being honest with them. I hope this information was helpful.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions. You got this!
Love,
Jordan <3