hi, do you have any advice for making friends online? like some people have added me as a friend on ps4, but when we play together i'm quiet and shy. i really want to overcome this because i've met so many nice people but i feel like i'm ruining the chances for a potential friendship by being too quiet.
top of page
bottom of page
Hi friend,
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I’m sorry to hear about your difficulty in making friendships. I understand how nerve-wracking it can be to break out of your shell and meet new people. I first want to remind you that there is nothing wrong with being quiet. Some people are more reserved than others, and that’s okay! I also want you to think about what is holding you back from conversing with them. For example, it could be fear of rejection, fear of saying the wrong thing, etc. One video that helped me overcome shyness is this one:
https://youtu.be/514DaBIU13k.
Although most of Linda Raynier‘s videos focus on career advice, her tips apply to various situations. In the video linked above, Raynier talks about shifting the attention away from you and onto the other person when communicating. This is helpful for those who frequently worry about how they will present themselves to others. You can practice this by asking your online friends questions you are genuinely interested in. In your particular case, you can ask questions like, “What other PS4 games do you guys recommend?” “Where are you all from?” or “How long have you been playing?” By focusing more on other people’s responses than your questions, you may feel less pressure to act a certain way.
Another powerful tip is not to label yourself as shy. When we label ourselves as something, we tend to reinforce the behavior that labels us as such. For example, telling yourself that you are a shy person can lead you to unintentionally act timidly (like by looking down at the ground, holding back when you have something to say, etc.). Thus, try not to call yourself shy anymore. Even if it is true, you are so much more than that! Here is a link explaining how you can rid yourself of that label:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/julian-reisinger/2015/12/this-is-how-you-can-get-rid-of-that-shy-and-quiet-label/
I also encourage you to act confidently, even if you may not feel confident in the moment (tips here:
https://www.skillsyouneed.com/rhubarb/overcome-social-anxiety.html and here
https://www.inc.com/jayson-demers/7-ways-to-appear-confident-when-you-re-really-not.html)
This may make you feel uncomfortable for a few seconds, but think about how much better you would feel afterward. You would feel proud knowing that you stepped out of your comfort zone. With practice, you will no longer feel as if you are acting confidently anymore; you will actually be a more confident person.
Remember that overcoming timidness is a difficult process that will take time and patience. If you are finding yourself losing hope or inspiration, remind yourself why you are doing this in the first place. Recall how much you want to interact with your online friends and how this social confidence can benefit you.
Sending support,
Helen