I need some advice really. I have been with my boyfriend for a long time. A few years back I caught him sending very inappropriate messages to other women. Which he said were jokes. To me these are not jokes. And I basically said he can either keep doing that and I leave or he stops. After a lot of him blaming me for getting caught and doing it a second time he said he would stop. However, I have still carried doubts with me for this time, but he has been quite convincing that he has changed and that he is so sorry for what he did. and He regrets it so much. He has been so convincing that I started to believe maybe he had. He says he cares about me and respects me.
However, I have found otherwise and I don't know what to do. Even though he has caused much sadness to me, I do love and care about him but I don't know If I can do this anymore.
I need to know whether I am being controlling or what he is saying is flirting. I have told him many times I don't feel comfortable with this behaviour but he says that I am trying to change him and that they are just jokes. He also has a habit of lying to me about many things so I feel like I can't trust a word he says.
On one of his profiles this girl called him an ass and he said 'where'. This made me feel like he is trying to see other womens parts and I felt really hurt. I found this stream of this girl he was talking to and he said 'you had to scare them so you could show them your finishing move...? which is? getting on your knees?' he was also calling her baby/babe which hurt me to because I always thought that I say that to my partner because they are my partner. Please tell me if these things are flirting or bad? because I honestly don't know if I am just looking for anything. I am not proud of looking at his profile or watching that stream but I had to know if he is lying to me or not and I think he is. He is saying this in a public place so I dread to think what he says in private. I have felt so sad because I don't know what to do.
He gets so jealous if I speak to another person, yet he is allowed to say these things? I don't have any friends, and I feel so angry. I always think about his feelings yet he is constantly dismissing mine. If I was saying these things to people I know he would get very mad. He is always putting his insecurities on me. I would never do this because I respect him and his feelings that I would never want to hurt him. So why does he do this with me. He says he loves and cares about me but can't even respect my boundaries at all and is lying to me still.
I'm not sure whether to talk about it or just leave without saying anything as I don'r want him to say they were jokes or turn it on me. I can't live my life with s