Sorry to disturb you. I recently came across something, maybe it's not a very big deal, but it's bothering me. I met a friend on the internet. We have a pretty big age difference. She is mature, gentle, polite and thoughtful, and she created a lot of amazing things. I gradually found myself developing thoughts beyond ordinary worship. Having lived in a toxic family environment, I had been plagued by some mental illness, and I always receive comfort from her after I share my feelings. I expected a gentle mother-like elder to make up for my inner lack, perhaps I saw her as a mother or further a lover worthy of my heart's devotion. But rationally I didn't want to do anything beyond my status as an online friend. We don't live in the same country, and she has a beautiful family outside the internet. Even on the internet, I usually just watched her in silence and didn't communicate much. But I can't stop the urge to do so, and I even dream about having intimate intercourses with her in reality. It felt so good I have never dreamt something peaceful I usually just have nightmares. What should I do? How do I detach myself? Please tell me some specific ways.
Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult situation. Emotionally detaching from someone is a difficult but often necessary process. Since you feel comfort expressing your feelings to her, you may also find comfort in sharing your feelings to a counselor or therapist. I am so sorry you had to endure living in a toxic family environment. I think it could also be beneficial to discuss this aspect of your life. Here is a resource for finding therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.
It is important to be patient with yourself. If you feel as though you cannot control your feelings, it can be helpful to channel them into other things you enjoy. This can include drawing, dancing, playing an instrument, or anything else that makes you happy/ relieves pent up emotions. I also recommend journaling. Writing in a journal is a great way to get out emotions and can be very soothing. Here is an article that provides some information on how to journal and its benefits:
I am also sorry to hear about your continuous nightmares. Establishing a night routine and discussing the nightmares with someone can definitely be helpful. Here is a resource for learning more about preventing nightmares: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-savvy-psychologist/202004/5-ways-stop-nightmares
I also want to provide you with some resources for more help with detaching from a relationship:
The urges you are having are completely normal and will likely take time to fade. It is important to surround yourself with a support system to prioritize your mental health. I am so glad you came to Asking Jude for help and please don’t hesitate to reach out again, whenever needed. You are so strong and we are here for you!
Hi there, love! This is Jude. One of our peer counsellors, Jordan, will get back to your shortly. Until then, stay strong!