So, throughout my life I’ve always gravitated towards being friends with girls over guys, even in elementary school.
I think it started as just preferring to hang out with girls since we had more in common. But it’s kind of evolved into a larger problem as I’ve gotten older: I’m afraid to talk to men unless they’re very feminine. And in group settings this really prevents me from talking and connecting with others (even if there’s a lot of women and only one guy).
I hate that I’m like this because it prevents me from getting to know like 50% of the population.
I’m very confused about where this stems from, but I think it might be from feeling rejected as a child from boys, and also having problems with my narcissistic dad (him being very manipulative and emotionally abusive).
The thing is that I always thought that it might have to do with me being afraid of embarassing myself in front of guys I liked (and therefore just not speaking to them, or just messing up the conversation because I’m nervous) but I’m not even sure I’m into guys? Like I think I’m either bisexual or a lesbian, so it’s very weird how I only feel this strongly towards men. And it’s also very confusing because I especially feel this way towards guys that I think are good looking? So does it have to do with attraction, past experiences, feeling rejected and not good enough or just something completely different, idk?
This year I’m going to a small boarding school where there’s a mix of both guys and girls - and I’ve heard it’s a very tight knit school, so must people are friends or at least friendly - and I’m afraid I’ll be left out due to this irrational fear/avoidance of guys.
I just don’t know what to do to improve this, and was wondering if you had some advice?