Since high school my troubles at making friends has grown. I don't know why but something happened to me, that i became more and more insecure and shy. For my first year i managed to make some friends, but not as many as i wanted to. Now i'm in college, and although is online, most part of my classmates have made friends. I just have one friend (she was my classmate in high school). I'm afraid that i won't be able to make any friends. Last year i went to a course for six months and couldn't make friends. It's not that they bullied me, it was because i get really anxious when i'm around new people. This really affects me, i feel like i can't act like a normal person anymore; i´m always worrying about how people perceive, in social situations i always think the worst of myself. And with that in mind, i'm afraid that in college it will be the same. I know that i shouldn't depend on other people, but i don't want to be lonely. It's really affecting me, i want to do well in school and enjoy the experience. I hope you understand. Thank you.
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Have you ever been diagnosed with social anxiety? I hear some classic signs of it in your post. Being afraid to meet new people, struggling to make friends, and wondering how people perceive you are all common symptoms.
Now, I’m no psychiatrist, so I can’t offer a definitive diagnosis. However, that’s what it sounds like to me. These articles might offer some more insight:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness/index.shtml
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/social-phobia#treatment
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder.htm
What I highly recommend is speaking to your guidance counselor; they can help you learn how to manage this and can point you towards other professionals who can help. I know that sounds scary, but I promise you that that is their job; they go to school and are paid to help people. These links should also give you an idea of what types of therapy you can use to learn.
If you ever feel bad about struggling in social situations, know that you aren’t alone; the fact that all of these articles, forms of therapy, etc. exist is proof that you are not the only person in the world to struggle with this. You already say you want to be able to make friends; reach out to the responsible adults who can help you so you don’t have to feel so lonely anymore. There is no shame in seeking help; it’s better to learn how to manage social anxiety than live under its thumb.
In the meantime, try browsing some of Asking Jude’s boards; I’m sure you can find other people in your shoes and can slowly start building some healthy bonds there.
Socially-distanced hugs,
Angelica Barile
Hi there, love! I passed your submission onto Angelica. She'll be answering it soon.